I’ve gone back and forth about whether to talk about our terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week on this blog… The kojo blog is not a personal blog, and I like the idea of this being a simple, happy, place. At the same time, since we definitely share fabulous personal news with you, I thought it’d be good to keep things real and share not-as-good news as well.
All of that backstory to tell you that my sweet husband’s dad died last weekend. We’ve known it was coming (Mark was diagnosed with cancer near the end of my pregnancy with Burke two years ago and then told that the cancer was terminal a few months later), but it has still been a whirlwind week. A not so nice whirlwind, in fact.
Even though it has been absolutely painful to watch Mark suffer these last couple of years (and much, much more so these last few weeks), and even though we have been praying that his suffering would end and that he’d be free to go be with Jesus, the realization that he is actually gone and that our ‘new normal’ is one without his godly, sharp, wise influence is more painful than I thought it’d be.
Yesterday afternoon, overwhelmed by the constant stream of people, emotionally drained and just plain sad, I retreated to our room with a bag of fabric scraps. This might sound funny, but it felt so good to sit on our bed and cut out little blue and green fabric triangles. The redundant snipping of scissors gave my mind the chance to wander to and fro- through the craziness of this last week to funny memories of pre-sickness Mark to our incredible network of friends who have taken better care of us through this than we ever could’ve imagined. Several times I found myself crying at happy memories- maybe because we won’t have a chance to create more of them with him? A few times I was giggling to myself at things I hadn’t remembered in awhile (like the way Mark-the-Foodie would plan all day for what he was going to order for dinner during our family vacations). When I glanced at the clock, a couple of hours had passed, I had quite the pile of triangles, and I was so thankful for the chance to just sit and cut and let my mind wander. Has that ever happened to you? You started off with a crafty task in mind (aka- fabric triangle cutting) and it turned out to serve a quite more important purpose?
Anyhow, cheers to Mark and the life he led and the legacy he’s left. If you think of it, we’d love it if you were praying for our little family…