why I hate birthdays (and why I love them)

why I hate birthdays (and why I love them)

why I hate birthdays (and why I love them)With as much as I love birthday parties and the chance to celebrate the year that’s past and the one to come, my kids’ birthdays are pretty hard on this mama’s heart.
why I hate birthdays (and why I love them)I am both absolutely smitten with the stage that Burke is in right now- all personality and curiousity and keen observations and hilarity, and also just can’t believe my eyes when I see a cake topper that says “7.”
why I hate birthdays (and why I love them)Admittedly, part of this struggle is that I genuinely love babies and toddlers and it kind of kills me that Burke and Piper have moved past that (and that our adoption just seems to be moving more slowly than I would prefer- can you say Baby Fever?).

why I hate birthdays (and why I love them)Another part of the hard is trying to figure out how seven whole years passed in a nanosecond, and then scrambling to figure out what’s going to happen when I wake up tomorrow morning and he’s 14. Ummm… panic?

why I hate birthdays (and why I love them)But part of it, the part that strikes me at the core, is the regret I have for my misspent minutes during Burke’s sixth year. And it’s not ‘mommy guilt,’ at least not the kind that I’m putting on myself undeservedly (I do that too, though). This is actual, deserved regret for minutes that I didn’t use wisely and now can’t get back. The ones where I lost my temper about forgotten PE shoes or scrolled through instagram on my phone instead of reading with him or got to the end of a conversation and realized that I had no idea what my sweet son just told me with such enthusiasm.

why I hate birthdays (and why I love them)I will be the first to admit that being present is a total struggle for me- my to-do list looms large is my own mind, I am an expert at multi tasking, and chores and busy work beckon me like a siren call. And even though I am pretty much awesome at getting things done, I am finding that this is not actually the greatest good (shocker).

why I hate birthdays (and why I love them)Which brings me to my love-hate relationship with birthdays. At the same time, I pretty much hate the process of accounting for this year’s lost time. But also, I am so thankful for this built in reminder of another year past (which, did I mention yet, seems to go faster and faster?). Each year’s birthday, however hard on my minute-squandering heart, is a like one big ol’ call back to a place of Priorities Clarity.
why I hate birthdays (and why I love them)There is a day on the horizon when an afternoon spent chatting about super heroes or building an elaborate Lego neighborhood with mom will not be on Burke’s list of awesome. But right now, it is. And I love the chance to remember that, despite my apparent love for laundry and Pinterest, Lego neighborhoods and super power debates are pretty much where it’s at. I am so thankful for new mercies this morning (and this year) and the chance to commit to reclaiming as many of those minutes as I can.

Birthdays, I sure do like you (and also really don’t like you).

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” Lamentations 3:21-24

one year in saipan

one year in saipan

I looked at the calendar today and realized that exactly one year ago was our first day in Saipan. Honestly, I can’t believe we’ve been here for a year already! In tribute, we made a List of Saipan tonight. It chronicles the bad, the good, and the quirky of our little island home and is a […]

home, and home again

home again

I don’t know what to call this place. When we’re in Saipan, we call Denver “home.” But when we’re in Denver, we flip flop and call Saipan, “home.” It’s confusing. photo credit The dust in finally starting to settle here after our annual home leave trek (to coincide with a dental conference Adam has to attend). In […]

happy 2015!

2015 word of the year- connect

If you’ve been around here for very long, you know that I lo-ove New Years. List making, organizing, reflecting, goal making, fresh start-ing, glitter- all of these are right up my alley. And this year is no exception. So far I’ve organized and deep cleaned my studio (which is also the playroom), made five lists […]

a few of my favorite things GIVEAWAY

favorite things giveaway

This annual Favorite Things giveaway is my very favorite of the whole year. I love gathering my favorite things and putting them in a fun package (well, in this case, a fabulous leather clutch that I whipped up) for one of you! Also, I love hopping around and checking out the other blogger’s giveaways- I always get […]

settling into island living…

settling in, saipan

As we pass the two month mark of arriving here in Saipan, I thought I’d post a little update on how we’re acclimating to our new home. I know many of you who are interested in ‘real life’ updates follow us on instagram (currently our Saipan-update channel), so some of this will already sound familiar. This move […]

we’ve landed


Hey friends! Just wanted to check in and let y’all know that we made it to Saipan! Thanks for all of your encouragement these last couple of weeks during the goodbye-ing, the traveling and the acclimating. We feel so lucky to be greeted by a whole welcome crew of kind, helpful (patient!) people. They have […]

moving madness

farewell tour of denver

Hey friends- just thought I’d check in from amidst the piles of boxes and suitcases and our ‘Denver farewell tour’ (which includes saying goodbye to both our favorite people and our favorite Denver/Colorado places like Garden of the Gods [above], Bonnie Brae Ice Cream, Tocabe, Duffeyroll, etc.). We are in the middle of full on […]

checking in- life lately

soda bottles

A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled on a kojo post from a few years ago, in the days before Pinterest, before many of the ‘bigger’ features that really grew our readership, before the blog became my actual job… And as I read it, I realized that I hardly ever do just checking in posts […]